Control Yourself

Gym Unity "Control Yourself For Crying Out Loud" 1 August, 2009, by Corey Weiner Are people not creatures of habit, generally speaking? They are. Chances are, if you see a hottie in the gym a few times, she goes there regularly and you're going to see her again. So you don't ever want to make a dumb-ass of yourself hitting on her out in the open by the treadmills, stationary bikes, or the free weight section of town where everyone sees everything (those rooms have more mirrors in it than a funhouse). If you do, even if she turns out to be a total retard and you decide you'd rather turn gay than call her, you'll look like the creep of the gym doing the same lines and moves over and over. First impression is the only one that counts, especially when it's all appearance and very little talking as is the norm within fitness club. The guy walking around in a colored wife-beater offering advice to the hot 19-year olds on how to hold the weights and "feeling the burn" that the older "hot wives and divorcees using paid-for training sessions" crowd avoids by all means...he does not need an apprentice. Once you're stereotyped as an "Igor" within the the gym, even among only a few nice-looking women, it's game over. The principal is pretty compelling..I mean you're talking about a captive audience. It's generally the same people working out at similar times, with only seven days in a week. None of them are going to repsect you one bit if the whole place observes every woman you walk over and start yapping with all the time. In that situation, you basically hit a fork in the road and it can work out one of two ways: you either become the "resident gym guy" that most find perfectly fine to talk and make jokes with, but are no one they will call or invite over next weekend to a party. The second result is just as frustrating, but a bit worse I would think: you become the resident hornytoad. The guy who has pretty much hit on every woman in there (and probably her daughter or niece for that matter) who wasn't completely ugly, stood there and talked nonsense and carried on, etc etc, and none of them take you seriously. You're almost an inside joke among them because basically every woman there has been subjected to one story or another. After all, if you're going to pursue someone in a gym of all places, there isn't that much opportunity for an in-depth conversation. "Hey, how are you, blah blah...I came over and said hi because you look really sexy in your spandex pants and boobs popping out bigger than my head", blah blah. "My name is fill in the blank, Chuck Ted, Derrick" etc" (you get the idea). So here's to you, mister ultra-cool gentleman wearing a t-shirt to Gold's or some other place that doesn't even exist anymore and a dumb walk like a gorilla. Hulk Hogan is the only guy who can do that because 1, he's the greatest and 2, he is ripped and tan and tall AND performing on stage for a living because he's a famous celebrity...unlike YOU!